My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
