you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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