i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
