***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
