I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
