dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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