Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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