please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
