You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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