I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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