you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
