I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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