she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you had me at cake vodka
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
