We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
