He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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