I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
