Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BRING THE BAGELS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
