if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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