Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
