Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
