i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
