the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
