I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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