I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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