There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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