Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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