I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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