I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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