Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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