Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
