I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize