If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
