You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
