Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
