Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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