Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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