Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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