Nicole vs. Life
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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