Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize