she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
