just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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