She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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