i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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