I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
