Betty ford says i'm here all night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
