I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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