I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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