I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize