its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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