Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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