Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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