I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
