At least make sure they are 18
Why
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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