forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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