The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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