I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
