Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
