I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
