i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
tell me about the eggs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
