You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
