I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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