I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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