i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize