Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
