This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
