Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she smelled like a LAN party
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
