if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
