awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im part way to drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
