my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
