My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
