I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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