dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
