piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it's like heaven, but drunker
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
