i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
