We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
