He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
