Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think my vagina is haunted
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
