I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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