She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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