keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
